Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
