my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
