he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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