when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
