someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
