Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
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Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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