When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
