Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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