I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
