You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
