The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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