Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
