Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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