i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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