Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
