I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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