Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
