just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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