brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
