you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
