I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
