just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
