I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
