I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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