I CAN MOONWALK!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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