Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
