Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
