I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
