she woke up with a sticky ear
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
