i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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