woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
