it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
