So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
