this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
