I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex