we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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