you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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