she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
