I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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