billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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