Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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