my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just cropdusted the office
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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