I want to have your abortion
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
