You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
