White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
