I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
