hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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