I can tuck mytits in my pants
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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