then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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