i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
