You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
