his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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