Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
