The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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