You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I want to walk on stilts...naked
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
