New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
