i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
