I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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