just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
