I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
