ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found puke in my bra..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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