Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize