I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
