I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
